Changing My World

It assaults me as soon as my foot steps over the threshold of the livingroom...again. Third time in an hour. I shake my head in frustration at yet another interruption in my big to-do list of the day. All I want is to get the dishwasher unloaded and the pile of dirty dishes out of the sink. I have a heap of laundry piled up on the dryer and also inside it, getting more wrinkled with each passing day as it sits neglected from folding. The floors and the bathroom? Agh. And now this. Again. It's the smell that tips me off. Diaper duty.

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I know I'm in for a battle; it's always like that these days. The screams and squirming to throw himself off the table as though this event were a surprise to him; as though we haven't done this dance ten times a day for 21 months now. Somehow he always seems to look shocked that it would come to this, and fights each step of the way. I have low toddler tolerance today. Still, it must be done. "Sam? Do you have a poopy diaper?" "No." "Sam? We need to change your diaper." "No." He draws the word out with his finger held up in admonition just to emphasize his unwillingness to play out this scenerio yet again. I brace myself and haul his kicking, howling body to the change table anyhow.

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I try everything. Lotion to hold and play with? No. Itsy Bitsy Spider? No. This Little Piggy? No. I am amazed that such a little body could possess such strength to fight me. I do not have the patience for this today and resort to venting my frustration, "SAM! SIT STILL!" Well that never works. I close my eyes and take a deep, shaking breath and begin to sing a Sunday School song loud enough to be heard over the ruckus. He rolls onto his back, looks up into my face and lies still. I am almost too shocked to take advantage of his acquiescence, but eventually spur myself into diapering action, singing all the while.

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Once finished, I stand him up and give him a big kiss on the cheek. "Good job, Bud." He scampers down and runs off to play with Ben in the livingroom. I am calm. I am amazed that I could forget each day what really matters in my day of housekeeping and babies. I am ashamed that I shirk aside the value of teaching these little ones the right things, in the midst of just "getting it all done." This is my world and even though it looks so different from the "value" I used to have involving myself in every ministry that came my way, I can make a difference here. Even if I am just changing my world one diaper at a time.

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"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and famous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God." - Nelson Mandela-