I have been re-reading old journals the past few days; an eye-opening endeavour, to say the least. I started at the first and am working my way through to the present. I find myself becoming increasingly frustrated at my former self for not "getting" the lessons that I see are glaringly obvious now in hind-sight but seemed so fraught with confusion and uncertainty then. I want to stand up and shout at "her" as she prays - yet again - for the same answers that now I see were right in front of her the whole time. It is a journey of moutains and valleys, angst and joy; one that has found so much resolution and peace in the present.
I can't help marvelling at how far I've come and how God truly did work a miracle in directing my life to the place it is now. I read page after page after page of lists of what I wanted in the person I'd marry, who was not even someone I knew at the time. How affirming it is to read those lists with a smile and mentally "check off" every single line as being perfectly Terry's character and 100% descriptive of our marriage today. At the time, those were wish lists, with very little hope of having such a life or such a husband who could possibly meet the overwhelmingly stringent criteria I filled whole notebooks with. And yet, here I am, living the life every day.
I have loved getting to know Terry again the last few days as I've relived the story of our meeting and dating and marriage. I am reminded of each moment that, at the time, I thought I'd never forget, but have. I'm so thankful now that I'd taken the time to write it all down; a lesson for me for today, to keep writing. It is so easy to become bogged down with the to-do list of life and forget the miracles in our midst. Terry is that miracle.
beautifully said.
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