Awake My Soul - Psalm 57:8

Have you ever felt so overwhelmed and for such a long time that you have to pull out old photo albums and journals just to remind yourself that it hasn't always been this way? Have you ever had one of those days that starts with babies covered in paint and ends with them crawling under the newly installed fence, running to freedom (with you safetly locked away inside the yard with no way to fit YOUR backside under the fence to go after them)? Have you woken up so tired that when your eyes finally focus on the kids in front of you it takes another 2 or 3 minutes before you recognize them as your own? And your day hasn't even begun.

Those have been my days for the longest while lately. I am begging for time. Time to sleep. Time to relax without feeling guilty about the chores that await me. Time to myself again, although it's been so long that I might actually be dreaming that such a time existed. Time to remember who I used to be before that person became buried under a pile of poopy diapers and loads of dirty laundry. Today I carved out that time.

I took advantage of the boys nap, left the laundry on the laundry room floor, the toys all over the livingroom and the evidence of lunch on the kitchen counters. I pretended I was blind and therefore, what one doesn't see, doesn't exist; "there is no mess, there is no mess . . ." I took the coffee Terry made for me this morning and an old book to the porch, curled up in the white rocking chair and breathed. And then I prayed. I asked to be reminded of who I was and shown again who I could be; not this exhausted shell of who used to reside in this body. But of me, the real me.

And then I read this quote:
"Usually, when the distractions of daily life deplete our energy, the first thing we eliminate is the thing we need the most; quiet, reflective time. Time to dream, time to think, time to contemplate what's working and what's not, so that we can make changes for the better."
(Sarah Ban Breathnach - Simple Abundance)

Laundry will always be there - and ever in abundance. Toys? Well, no matter how often you put them away, they always seem to jump right back out of their bins. Diapers? Well, unfortunately, those are just going to need changing no matter what. But there's always time somewhere. Get away from the phone - somewhere you can't even hear it ring. Shut the door. Sit. Close your eyes. Relax. There it is. Yep. Can you feel it? It's there. Solitude.

Now breathe.